EP 403

"What's that in the air? The fine mist of semen." - JerSean

"What do I have to get tonight to stay KingPin, 150? I shit 150." - Lappy

"I forgot about the benefits of Korpacz on my team - Bottles! before the first game even starts!!" - Me

"Never supported bottles, they never had any business being at El Dorado bowling alley - deal with it. (claps two bowling balls together)" - JerSean

"Do you like Baby Tigers?" - Me to Lappy

"Anything's better than Linnsane in the Bukkake Brain, that's the worst name I've ever heard." - Lappy

"Roar!" - Double E

"People are hating our team name because it's too long." - Brandon

"So is my Diiiiiiiiick." - XXXtine

"Ohhhh, Tigers, all over your face!!" - XXXtine, making spraying gestures from both breast & vajayjay

"Don't spare me the bukkake or the titty milk!" - JerSean

"Bukkake? I know what it is, I just didn't know there was a term for that." - Hollie

"You're writing your own quotes?" - Brofman

"She made me, but I'm really bad at it." - Double E

"It's true. She's really bad at it." - The Commish

"Meanwhile, my Baby Tiger's getting bukkake'd on." - Double E

"Somebody on the Tigers needs to get fixed - right now." - Lappy

"How do you spell bukkake!!??" -Double E

"I'm giving the Commish alternate bites!" - Double E

"The Commish has already pooped on all of these. They're not even in the record books - they're not even pictures in the record books!" - Brandon/JerSean (they were yelling over each other)

"No, Moonie - go to her good quote ear!" - JerSean (re: me)

"Bukkake + Tigers = Mess." - Lappy

"What animal would not smoke pot if given the chance!?" - JerSean

"You missed by a shot of cum, buddy." - Brandon

"Maybe if I hadn't bukkaked all over their face the 1st game, I'd have the energy". - JerSean

"I'M SOBER!!" - Double E

"Who's idea was it to put the slowest human beings with the drunkest human beings and call it a team??" - Lappy (first quote of the season!!)

"Korpack(sp) is faking injuries!! Blasphemy! Signed, the end of the fucking league." - Handwritten by Brandon into my quote book

"Imagine a Brandon & Head Homo sweat-off." - Me

"Can you imagine those two having sex?" - Camilla

"They'd just slide right off each other." - Hollie

"Bukkake all over your little kitty faces!!" - XXXtine

Camilla presses a button on the bowling machine and speaks into it. "Help?"

Well, clearly Bukkake will need to be on the awards ballot as one of the most overused words of the season. I kinda just want to call their team Bukkake from now on, because the name is too damn long to remember (and their team has nothing to do with Linnsanity, in my opinion. Is XXXtine actually Asian? Her boobs are way too big.) Now that everyone is clear on its definition and spelling, we shall move on. We also have our first quote of the season, by Lappy!! So true, so true. Brandon, nice try with the quote you wrote in my book, but you'll have to do better than that.

Speaking of team names changing....yeah, nice try, No Ma'am. Appreciate the Married with Children reference, very clever, but I'm going to keep calling you Silent Sausage Party. It happened to the Dicks, too - if you don't give me a team name til week 3, it's just not happening. That's like changing a baby's name a year in.

So in spite of the quotes above, the Double E quotes were not entirely a failed experiment. A few of them made it in, and some of them were in the right zone, but weren't quite full quotes. Quantity is better than quality (because I edit that shit), and she more than made up for her attempt to simply record the quotes into her phone by actually listening to the recording the next day and emailing me more quotes. Granted, I'm too lazy to find that email and go through those quotes, but I appreciate the effort. Kinda like when you take the time to give your editor a string of every possible food shot in the cooking challenge, and the day before he's done editing, you find out he never even looked at it. I mean, that's just one example. ARGGh.

In a classic case of a reality villain demonstrating hubris, Lappy's famous last words of the night were that he "shits 150s." He must have been a little constipated Monday night - I'd love for Broffie to send the stats for us to see where our KingPin stands in the individual standings. Lappy, I'd try some fiber before next week.

Speaking of standings (actually, this also goes with my pooping analogy!), I dropped a bomb Monday night (get it?!) when I let you bastards know that one team is not gonna make the playoffs. Enough of this Little League, everyone gets a trophy bullshit!! The team with the worst standings doesn't make it in. Even if it's mine. Although, knowing me and my abuse of absolute power, I will probably figure out a way to change the rules if my team is dead last. Entirely possible, judging by our bad luck charm of Head Homo and our delicate flower, Korpacz, whose injury seems to spring up either when he bowls a bad game, or when his girlfriend needs him to paint her toenails.

I don't know who won!! My team won 1, lost 2 to In N Out - based on all of the bukkake on their face, I'd say the Tigers lost 1 or 2 along the way. I couldn't hear anything beyond JerSean, so who knows what happened with THE SILENT SAUSAGE PARTY or Pinnetrators.

4 nights left of this season - only 3 games for some of us! I'm scared!!!

Bukkake,

-The Commish