EP 306

Quotes of the night:

"I'm not a bad person." - Head Homo

"I can't hear, talk louder." - Me
"I can't yell vagina that loud." - Head Homo

"Remember bowling? That's what we're doing." - Jesse to me, as I'm writing

"You have other talents other than quoting. Like salad tossing." - Jesse to Head Homo

"Where is the gay bowling alley?" - Head Homo. "Seriously?"

"If you look closely, Korpacz has a cock on his forehead." - Brandon

"What is this, 10% tax to the Commish?" - JerSean, after Korpacz gives me a glass of champagne
"Bottles!" - Korpacz

"I accept it. I am the curse of my team." - Dawn, very sadly

"I am a cock pic away from being Brett Favre." - Brofman to Roxy

"No, don't talk about masturbation, cause I can't bowl - I'll be thinking about your dick." - Jesse to Hale

"That curved to the left like the M.C." - Jesse
"How did you know?" - Me

"Don't write down private conversations we have about your husband's dick!" - Jesse to me

"Do you purposefully try to have sex with your wife when your in-laws are in town?" -Hale
"I don't purposefully try to have sex with my wife anymore, period." - Jesse

"You are a fucking asshole." Jesse to me.

"We're dancing, Jerry!" - Sexy Anne Frank
"Well, one of us is." - Jerrycurl

"Who do I have to fuck in the ass to get a strike?" - Hale
"It's not like fucking in the ass is a....(pause, looks at me) That could have ended a million ways. You know how it's not gonna end? On your quote board." - Jesse

"I didn't know it, Roxy likes it with the lights off!" - JerSean

"Is your name Chris Ornay?" - Sexy Anne Frank
"Shut the fuck up, I will punch you in the cunt." - Head Homo

"Every week when Hale leaves, he looks like some bitter guy at the airport." - Lappy, re: Hale & his wheely suitcase


So it seems that another guilt trip is order, because yet again, attendance was waaaaaaay too light last night. What, do you think you cannot be replaced?? Well, BOOM! goes the motherfucking dynamite, cause that shit is about to go down. Hols to the Wall, auf wiedersehen, you're out. And Xtine, our own darling V - you are on thin, thin ice. First off, you have now missed 3 weeks in a row, aka 3 strikes, you're out, say those in baseball. AND - unfortunately for you, last night, the Other Christine, aka the O.C., came by with a brand new V, a hunger and dedication for bowling, AND a glow in the dark manicure. So......yeah. I think that speaks for itself. We also have Steve-O, who clearly fits right in - he's already begun losing bets, drinking vodka sodas, and starting a rivalry with Rick "The Dick" Shirey - all he needs is a catchphrase, and he's JerKorpacz. We also have FinnBerg, not to mention Brian (? another editor on Roseanne? I think that's his name?), so you better check yourselves. Before you riggity wreck your...attendance records (that doesn't rhyme). Yeah.

Also, I'd like to report a notebook hijacking - not only was my notebook vandalized by a full page penis drawing, which I keep forgetting is in there, and keep accidentally opening on my desk at work - it was also, in perhaps the biggest violation of El Dorado code, set fire to by Mike Hale. In the middle of the bowling alley. I'm not sure why no one noticed that. Apparently, all El Dorado pays attention to is Korpacz's bare ass.

As for the results, my team swept Jerrycurl off his feet, 3-0, unlike Sexy Anne Frank, who did her hip hop square dance all around him, while he looked off, bored, to the distance. Jesse finally figured out a way to financially support his gambling addiction....basically, bet Steve-O. Sunshine and the O'Neals, not sure if they won, but based on Dawn's glum report, I'm guessing they were run through by the Queen's Men. Apparently, Dawn is officially confirming Head Homo's report, she is the curse of her team. It's not sunshine, it's skin cancer. As for the Dicks vs. Kids, I do know that Korpacz bought bottles, but he does that even when he loses now, so there's no telling til Broffie sends out the official stats.

Ok, yes. This was a weak recap. Next week, I'll be better. I just want to leave work.

Dede's back!

-The Commish