EP 205

Quote of last week that applies to this week:

"If a quote was said and the Commish didn't hear it, did it exist?" - JerSean

So....obviously, no quotes of the night last night, seeing as I was busy getting some on my anniversary. TMI, in your faces! Not to mention the fact that our top quote-makers, Head Homo, JerSean LePaulsen, and Brandon "Hussein" Roberts were all absent, and therefore, the quotes may have been lackluster anyway. Also, as proved by the blatant and frankly, degrading, quote-mongering that was occurring the week before, it serves you all right. Quotes are best gotten when no one is aware that it's happening, or even better, if the person who said it instantly regrets it a moment later. Kinda like reality tv interviews, no?

Speaking of missing games - apparently, there has been a lot of concern about next week's game, which falls on Valentine's Day. I'm under a lot of pressure to cancel, by a bunch of men, no less, who are clearly v-whipped, and also by the fact that a lot of our players will be out of town - New Zealand, a WATN shoot, Camilla is doing mysterious things (and possibly mysterious men) in the South of France, it's all very sad (except for the Camilla part). Also, rumor is that Sexy Ann Frank could be sexy sexing some BBD that night, but that's completely fabricated by Brandon Roberts, who enjoys alienating women. So - there will be a side email with the team captains - I'll let you know if your team is playing by the end of this week, or if they are lacking in testicles.

As for bowling - it was a clean sweep for all three games, with my team, Tonight We Strike! bringing the down the union hammer forcefully upon XXX Productions, who now comically has the record of 6-9 (appropriate for a porn company, no?). Hopefully, I still have my job, in that I pulled a Christine last night (I'm the lowest scoring player on my team, and I didn't make it, and then my team won - against Big Boss Man). Broman has slunk down to the number three spot in individuals, while "The Ringer" has claimed the number two spot, in spite of having zero ability to perform under pressure. Hopefully, this only relates to bowling, and not his personal life? Anyways, Maegamyte bowled a heckuva game, but my team was ridiculously amazing, wonderful, and strong, much like the M.C. that I received last night. For clarification, please see Jesse or Brandon, but I warn you, you'll regret it.

So the Ringer has finally made it to the number two spot, but alas, his team was not with him. They remain in second-to-last place, even after an almost underdog victory tale - Double E, who nearly missed bowling last night because of some lame-ass birthday party, came in to save the day in the last game of the night. They needed 18 to win, 17 to tie in the last frame. They'd already lost the game, but at least they'd have their dignity, right? Her first ball? A gutterball. Second? A spare! 10 pins! Only 8 to go! She could do that, right? Nope. She got 5 pins, and her team lost by two pins. Her second e has been revoked until further notice.

As for Straight...and Hard, the unexpected heroine of the night was none other than their least appreciated player, Christine Owen. Without their misogynistic team leader, Christine blossomed under the tutelage of second-in-command Jesse, who advised her to "use her lizard brain!" when the lights went out. Although he was clearly stoned out of his mind, Christine responded by bowling the game-winning spare, and poo-poo-ing in the face of those who implied that Straight...and Hard can only win without her (don't worry, her poo-poo has been properly sanitized). However, it does not go unnoticed by Fox News that this performance took place minus "Vince Lombardi" Roberts, whose method of berating and lacking faith in his one female team member clearly does not fly with Ms. Owens. She needs a gentler touch, not so straight and hard, methinks. Next week, she could just as easily choose a nice bubble bath and a manicure over bowling if her needs are not properly met. Perhaps Roberts should send her a valentine card? Just a thought.

So as you all are debating next week - candlelit dinner with significant other or disco-lit bowling and fries with Dede? Possible sexual activities or definite drunken activities? Here is who you are all up against:

Tonight We Strike! vs. JerSean's Designated Drivers
All Hale Thee Finns vs. Straight and Hard
3 Hole Surprise vs. The Unknowns

Stats attached, courtesy of Lappy (who remains number one - plus he's on the best team ever!!!)

-The Commish