EP 302

Quotes of the night:

"The lights on/lights off is our abortion issue." - Brandon (**front runner for quote of the season***)

"Don't make me blow this." - Dede to Korpacz (regarding her whistle)

"Orpaez's Kids! It's Latin Korpacz!" - Megashark (re: the misspelling of Korpacz's Kids)

Following an announcement about $1 game night coming to an end:
"If they ain't serving alcohol, I'm outta here!!!" - Korpacz
"That wasn't last call!" - Me

"I'm so glad you're on my team. I honestly don't think I would go bowling if you weren't here." - Christine to Korpacz

"Christine's new name is 9 Vibrators!!" - Korpacz, because all she bowls are 9s.

Greg Berg gets a strike.
"I hope you never have sex again!" - Hale
"That was harsh!" - Greg
"Or at least get it in the backside?" -Korpacz

"Is he gonna get good? Or drunk?" - Samsonite about Jesse

"What, are we voting every night??" -JerSean, regarding the lights
"Yes, there's a secret society that votes every night, and those are the only votes that really count." - Big Willy Style

"Lights on!" - Christine
"Of course, that's how you like to have sex." - Brandon

"I believe in the right to choose!! Right to lights is a forced choice!!" - Jesse

"We demand a recount." - Christine

After I try to give JerSean his bowler's discount card: "I'm a tv producer, I don't need coupons." - Jersean

"That's like the worst striptease ever." - Me, regarding Christine taking off her sweatshirt

"I don't think I like anything more than when Dede says, 'Korpack?'" - Brandon

"Everybody needs their champagne before bed." -Korpacz

"Everyone scores .5 points better on that lane. Look it up, it's boring, but it's science." - JerSean

"We should make a rule about smoking pot. What, I gotta wait cause you gotta pot?" - Korpacz (this is actually what he said, even though "you gotta pot" makes no sense)

"New rule is that if you're not here, you get a zero." - Korpacz
"Hey, you didn't care when he was on your team!" - Kyle (about Jesse, of course)

"Who do they think they are, keeping me waiting?!" -Christine, who goes out to scold them

"There's a reason why my wife's at home." - Jesse (re: Christine)

"Hey haters, it's medicinal." - The Other Christine (the O.C.)

"I need a little more proof that the weed is helping." - Me
"Oh, it's definitely not helping." - Jesse

"Well maybe we shouldn't drink either, then!" - Me
"You're like Michelle Bachmann, you're an extremist!!" - Christine

"That was better than smashing fruit!" - JerSean (?)

"Hey, Christie-Nine!" - Greg
"Yes! No more Vagina, no more Vibrator, I'm Christie-Nine!" -Christina, aka Vagina, aka Vibrator
"You'll always be Vibrator." - Korpacz


So, week 2, and in spite of poor attendance by some (cough cough, HeadHomoRedDawnHolstotheWalletc), we already have:

-A new controversy!
-A possible quote of the season!
-A stunning twist that rocked the league to the core!

Ok, first off - the battle of the lights rages on, in spite of an extremely democratic and fair vote, not contaminated by alcohol or lobbying by a biased commissioner. People continue to rail against the lights going off, mainly Korpacz & Christine, fascistly declaring that the lights are on in every other quote unquote "real league" and demanding a recount. Jesse and I, clearly on the more liberal, moderate side, contend that the lights out is the more fair policy, seeing as the lights are both on AND off, not to mention that I did give you ALL (*at least those who showed up) the right to choose, the choice was lights, so shut your pieholes about it. Clearly this is a deeply personal issue, with other factors weighing into it - (preference of lights on/lights off in the bedroom, hiding one's drunkenness in the dark, blaming one's bad bowling on the lights....), so I understand, this is one that will be battled out til the end of BL Bowling. It's just getting a little boring.

So thank god! We have another controversy to battle over - The Legalized Marijuana Debate. Do we allow pot smoking to continue, regulation-free, all-American style, as god intended? Or do we want to impose some draconian laws, like regulating smoking breaks, requiring smokers to only smoke between games 1 & 2, penalizing smokers with point deductions, and so forth? I mean, call me biased (seeing as I have one of the heaviest pot smokers on my team), but I thought this was America! Not to mention, I thought this was California! And thirdly, I thought this was El Dorado Lanes, where freedom and vice go hand in hand! If we start regulating weed, what's next? Do we stop JerSean from ordering vodka in pint glasses? No! Do we put a champagne tax on Korpacz? No, people!! Freedom for all, is what I say. Not to mention, in spite of all the grumblings, the weed really isn't preventing us from completing the games. The only reason that one team didn't finish the first week was because a) we started late, and b) JerSean might be a wee bit slow on his wind-up. America! Fuck yeah!

And now, for the sad news (aka the shocking twist that will rock the season).....Dede....is going on vacation for 3 weeks. That's right, Dede is going to Peru on va-cay, and leaving us all to the replacement bartender, whoever that may be. So prepare for some sad, lonely, French-free Monday nights for the next 3 weeks. We spoke of shutting down, but the league must go on. She'll be back, hopefully, unless some Peruvian version of El Dorado whisks her away from us. Oh! And almost forgot to add this genius quote from Dede - Brandon overheard her talking to some customers at the bar: "Yes, I got an award from their league, what have you done for me?" Sigh. Tear.

Alright, so finally, to get to the results. All I know for sure is that my team, 4 Guys, 1 Girl, 1 Cup, beat Korpacz's Kids 2 games to 1! Even though the first game only had 2 Guys, 1 Girl, and 1 Cup! Pretty amazing. Sunshine & the O'Neals beat The Dicks (Who Curve Slightly to the Left) 2 games to 1 as well, after Lappy's ridiculous 212 in game 1. Clearly, frontrunner again for the KingPin award, as well as the "person who beats Derek in bets" award. Also - not to add fuel to the weed fire, but that game was over before we had even begun game 3....ooops :) As for All the Queen's Men vs. Minds in the Gutter, I believe Minds beat the Queen's Men - but I'd also like to note that Minds in the Gutter was called Minds in the Gut on the board, which made me giggle every time I saw it up there. Brainstorm! Why didn't we call a team Minds in the Gock!! Sigh. Next season. Arthur's Gocks??

Here are next week's matchups:

Sunshine & the O'Neals vs. Minds in the Gutter (Jerrycurl vs. the Smooth Lapinator!! oooh)
4 Guys, 1 Girl, 1 Cup vs. The Dicks (Who Curve Slightly to the Left For the Ladies...it just gets longer and longer....that's what she said)
Korpacz's Kids vs. All the Queen's Men (aka the Loudmouth game - Korpacz vs. Brandon & JerSean - Bottles!! Are you kidding me??? Hopefully no one dies....)

See ya then. America! Fuck yeah!

-The Commish